Allowing yourself to grow and change
Moving on from the person you once were
On this blog, I’ve spoken on the topic of change with regards to the world and in self-development. Many times, we make getting old and becoming more mature sound synonymous. And it may be, depending on the context but generally, I think they are very different. Getting old refers to the amount of time you’ve spent alive on this Earth. Maturing, in the mental and emotional sense, refers ideally to how our attitudes and mindsets change to deal more effectively and appropriately. As teenagers and young adults, we are all getting old but how many of us are open to changing who we are for the better?
To me, maturing as an individual involves changing your mindset or opinion when presented with new information. It’s understandable that growing up and attaining a more mature outlook is used interchangeably because as we get older, we are presented with new information. Sometimes we change our minds with little effort or hesitation. However, I think changing the way we habitually think and act is something we have to do intentionally. It’s not easy to admit to yourself that you were wrong; furthermore, admit to others you were wrong. Analysing the way you may have reacted to a situation or the way you’ve treated people (or allowed yourself to be treated) and realizing that it’s not the way to go can be a painful process.
Why is it so painful? One main thing that seems to hold us back is the huge task of forgiving ourselves. We replay our past in our minds, sometimes remembering it 10x worse than how it actually was and then wallow in regret. We need to gently remind ourselves that we’re all just winging this thing we call life and therefore we’re bound to make mistakes.
We ask ourselves why did we do what we did. Whether we were following the crowd or not, it just made sense then. Now it doesn’t make as much sense or none at all. It’s simple as that. There are so many quotes on the theory that in life, situations keep repeating itself until we truly learn from it and move on. I believe realizing our displeasure with our past, understanding why we no longer want to repeat the same mistakes and wanting to move on transpires from that theory.
None of us is born knowing what to do, what to say and how to act in every encounter we have. It’s the experience that builds our character only if we let it. So, stop “beating yourself up” for something that has happened already. Humans were not built to be static where we are incapable of learning and growing. We are rather dynamic. We are not only capable of change and growth but are empowered by it quite literally. Our brains are always making new connections so don’t hold yourself back.
Another reason why we may hold ourselves back from evolving is the bullies in our lives. Sometimes people love to bring up things that we’re not proud of and tear us down for no longer aligning with the persons we once were. Many times, we are our own bullies and judge ourselves for wanting to have that change of heart and we feel hypocritical for attaining a new outlook. But if you think about it, what’s the sense in going to school and seeking new information if that’s the case? We all have the right to educate ourselves, learn from our experiences and expand our thinking. We all deserve the right to freely say “I did not know better back then (or I should have known better then). I am actively changing my ways.”
When reflecting on teenage years, these moments can seem really beautiful and oftentimes we romanticize them for that carefree feeling of having your whole life ahead of you. I agree, it is beautiful. I am still very young and learning to appreciate life more and more every day. However, there are many moments I reflect on and I feel sincerely embarrassed (lol). Thoughts such as What was wrong with you Charissa???! make their appearance whenever I think about my past years. It’s simply an odd feeling to no longer identify with the person you once were.
All this to say, that changing the way you think and act is all part of growing up. To keep moving on, at some point we have to stop judging our past and forgive ourselves. Once we approach life as life long learners, people who are comfortable with the fact that they do not know it all, I think we’ll all be okay. Allow yourself to change and even be reinvented. You’ve come so far and you have so far to go.
